There are things in life that you know on an intellectual level, but never fully recognize in the midst of living. I would have always told you that my kids loved their grandmother completely; and anyone who spent five minutes with my mother could have told you how much she thought of her grandchildren. These are things I have always known.
It was not until I watched as the grandchildren told my mother goodbye for the final time that I fully appreciated how naturally and wonderfully my mom had filled the role of grandma. Between the grandkids and great-grandkids nearly three dozen deeply personal relationships existed with this woman.
Each of my children connected to her in the way that fit their personality. My oldest shared a louder, more boisterous relationship than her more reserved sister. My youngest was mom’s youngest grandchild. Their’s was a playful and nurturing relationship. Each of my children was given what they needed within the bounds of their relationship.
The presence of a caring grandparent in a child’s life tethers them in an unsteady world. It teaches them who they are, from where they have come. A good grandparent is a source of wisdom, guidance and unconditional love. My children have been blessed. There was nothing in this world that my mother did better than being Grandma.
By their example, a caring grandparent quietly reinforces the values and lessons that parents attempt to teach their children. Enough distance exists between the generations that the grandchildren can accept guidance from the grandparent when they would fight the parent. Conversely, a grandparent need not worry so much about behavioral issues as a parent and can buoy a child with a constant stream of unconditional love.
I wish I had consciously appreciated my mother’s gift before she was gone. It makes me sad that I never thanked her properly. Still, I think she knew. I think she saw it reflected time and time again in her grandchildren’s eyes.
Missing my mom this week. My Simple Moment.
This is so sweetly expressed. I’m sure your mother would have wanted to thank you for the myriad joys and blessings and connective tendrils to posterity that your children enriched her days and years with too. Remember that as you miss her..your children were a treasured gift to her as well.
They really were. Thanks for pointing that out, Barb.
She sounds like she was a wonderful, natural sort of grandma. What a treasure!
A treasure…that is just right!
That’s really lovely. The perfect way to remember her.
It was so strange to me how it took her death to bring into focus what I already knew.
My children have been blessed to know all four of their (still living) grandparents into their young adulthood. I treasure this. And realize that this simple fact has had a deep and far reaching impact on who they are. I love the way you express this – especially how her relationship was unique with each grandchild…such a gift! I can’t wait until it’s my turn in this role!!
Me too! I relish the thought of it!
Thank you so much for pointing out this perspective … because I’d never really thought of it like that before; but I see it. I see it clearly. This unconditional love, this tethering love. And I think I have much gratitude to relay. I love the way I learn new ways of thinking from you. Thank for you this, May.
I only wish it would have crystalized in my mind in time for me to point it out to her and thank her for it.
Thank you for sharing this – it helps to give me more patience with my mother and mother in law and their relationships with my children. So often, especially when the kids are little, we worry about what the grandparents do with the kids, or wish they would do things differently… but ultimately all that matters is the relationship.
Thank you.
As long as the relationship is a healthy one it is such a gift.
Oh, my heart. This post makes me miss my grandma. And these words: “The presence of a caring grandparent in a child’s life tethers them in an unsteady world. It teaches them who they are, from where they have come. A good grandparent is a source of wisdom, guidance and unconditional love.” Oh, yes…yes, yes, YES!
This relationship at its best is a beautiful thing.
Your kids are so lucky to have a loving grandparent, and to have grown up knowing multiple generations. Grandparents and other extended relatives can give in such unique and profound ways. Your mother sounds like an amazing woman and I’m glad there was so much love in your family!
Grandmother-hood is when Mom really came into her own. What a life that is still growing right up to that late stage.
My mother is a better granparent than she was a mother. But then again she had me when she was 19 so age definitely has its benefits. Patience and grace being the big ones. A grandparents connection holds a special place in every grandchild’s heart.
Thank you for sharing this!
Alita
My mom was a better grandma too. She was a good mom overall. I think it was just really stressful raising 9 kids on very little money. Plus her own mom died when she was two and so she had the challenge of mothering after not being mothered much herself. Maturity does bring a patience and grace that blesses all it touches.
This is so beautiful.
I frequently long for my children to have the relationship that I had with my grandma. Sadly it’s just not in the cards, it’s just not in my mother’s nature to be like that. I’m thankful everyday for my MIL and what she brings to my children, that relationship will be something I hope they remember and cherish.
I look forward to the day when my own kids have families. Just the thought of being a grandma delights me. But you are right that it is not in everyone’s nature. That makes me sad because it feels like unattained potential.