In my bedroom sits a framed photograph of my daughter and me taken on my first Mother’s Day–the first when I was on the mother side of the event. It was twenty-two years ago. I look young and rested though I am sure I was not. She is sleeping peacefully and I have her hugged tightly against my body as though I am afraid someone might challenge me for her.
I remember the exact minute the photo was taken. I don’t allow many photographs to be taken of me, but I was eager for this one. I loved motherhood and had been celebrating it in my heart for four months by then. It was as if the world had finally caught up with what I already knew and I was ready to have it documented for all time.
I became a mother two more times and felt the same joy with each new life. Twenty-one Mother’s Days have come and gone in the meantime. Each year my children greeted me, and I in turn greeted my mother. Until today. Today I sent no card, made no call, chose no gift. My kids greeted me as they always do, but today I did not feel like the mother. On this Mother’s Day once again I was the daughter, and I was longing for my mother.
Happy Mother’s Day to everyone who is, was or will be a mother and everyone else who has or had one. We all need a little mothering from time to time.
I am sharing this piece as my Simple Moments Make up the Bigger Picture.
Would you consider posting your first Mother’s Day picture? Would love to see it. I was thinking about you yesterday, and others I know who are grieving as you are.
I need to scan that photo. I thought I would include it with the post, but we were on the road on our way home from Memphis and my daughter’s college graduation! But in a bold move I thought I might actually print a photo of myself…..albeit an younger version!
May, the picture is beautiful! What a treasure. Your face in the photo says it just as you told it in the post. I love it.
I remember how very happy I was that day.
you were in my thoughts yesterday ~ your posts have had a huge impact on me…not only are they beautifully written, but they are so tender and expressive of that longing to be mothered, and what the loss has been like for you these first days. Again, I feel honored that you include us on that journey. I think, for me, it brings me close to the pain I carry of not ever having felt mothered in that way…the tender way. I had a long talk (through tears) with my husband on Friday…because I am beginning to be able to articulate what having missed that in my life has meant. And I haven’t missed in the harsh, I was abused or abandoned, kind of way. But missed it from a mom who was there, but not there. Who was there to teach, expect, discipline and judge. I’m so glad you’ve had the great joy of mothering…and that you’ve been able to share that with your mother. Continued prayers. Another lovely piece.
We do all need to be mothered. I think God wired us like that as a survival mechanism for the early days, but it lingers. And if you did not get it, you continue to feel its absence. Of all that I do in my life mothering is what matters most to me. If I mother my children well, not only will it impact their life but their children and down the line. Just as your conscience choice to mother more intentionally can change the legacy in your own family. Hugs to you!
We do indeed! Bless you, May, for reminding us!
Hope you had a wonderful Mother’s Day, Beth.
Beautiful photo – your expression does say it all. We are mothers until the day we leave this earth – our role in the matter just changes and evolves. As my mother told me when her mother passed, “there’s never anyone like your mother.” Blessings to you – daughter.
Thanks, Barb. I feel like I could use those blessings!
Mother’s day can be so very bittersweet. It isn’t my favorite day of the year, but I agree with you 100%… everyone needs a little mothering.
Hugs!
Alita
I will take those hugs! Thanks
I still have a hard time considering Mother’s Day to be somewhat about me… it’s my mamas day. Sending some hugs your way… xoxo
Thanks for the hugs. Hope your Mother’s Day was special even if it is hard to believe you are one of THE mother’s the day is meant for!
Oh, I feel for you. I’m sorry you’re missing your mother, but I’m sure she still feels your love from where she is.
I love that thought!